He Loves me, He Loves me not
by Kurissyma san Tybalt
Summary: Its Christmas, Lulu is tricked into going on a definitely not date with Wakka and they get onto the subject of fears. 10 questions to guess what Lu's afraid of, deep down. Will Wakka figure it out or is he dense enough not to see? Lukka all the way!


_I'm going to tell him,_ thought Lulu determinedly as she helped Rikku tack mistletoe up around the temple, _I'm going to tell him. I'm going to tell him._

'Oh! Hi, Wakka!' said Rikku cheerfully as he entered the temple.

_I am so not going to tell him._

'Oh, hey,' said Wakka, scratching the back of his head, 'Yuna said Lu'd be here but-'

'I'm here,' said Lulu calmly, walking out from the shadows.

Wakka's face broke into a smile, 'oh! Hey, Lu, I just wanted to-'

Lulu tuned out, _what would I say anyway?_ She asked herself, _oh, excuse me, Wakka, but I've known you for almost twenty-four years and I've just realised that I'm in love with you._

Yeah- that sounded about right.

_But wait! Don't think I'm a complete lunatic! **Please?** Damn it…_

'So how 'bout it, Lu?' finished Wakka hopefully.

Rikku was nodding frantically behind him and he was looking almost nervous- she didn't want to admit that she hadn't heard a thing he'd just said so she just nodded, 'yes, all right.'

Rikku whooped silently in the background and Wakka grinned happily, 'a'right, I'll meet you here in ten minutes, ya?'

'Sure…' said Lulu hesitantly.

'Seriously?' asked Wakka, grinning, then turned, 'see ya, then!'

Lulu watched Wakka leave, a false smile glued to her face, 'Rikku,' she said anxiously when the temple doors closed, 'what did I just agree to?'

Rikku gawped, 'you're goin' on a _date_,' she said excitedly.

'Excuse me?' Lulu choked.

'Well he didn't _saaaay_ date-' Rikku began.

_I thought not._

'-But he meant it!' said Rikku, 'you're going for a walk in the woods- isn't it romantic???'

'No,' said Lulu bluntly.

_Yes! Yes! Yes! So, so romantic!_

'Don't be mean, Lulu!' Rikku exclaimed, 'besides, everyone knows he likes you!'

_Rikku's a nut-job- what **she** says doesn't count…_ _as much as I'd like it to…_

'You're thinking mean thoughts aren't you?' asked Rikku suspiciously, standing akimbo before her.

Lulu rolled her eyes and left the temple hastily.

'Where ya goin', Lu?' Rikku teased loudly, 'ta pretty yourself up for Waaaaa-kka?'

Lulu ignored her and kept walking towards her hut.

_Not listening, not listening, not listening._

'Lulu!' squealed Yuna, bursting through her door five minutes later, 'has Wakka asked you out yet?!'

Lulu twitched.

_Not listening! Not listening! Not listening!_

'I hope you didn't refuse him,' Yuna was saying when she allowed herself to listen again, 'not on Christmas- _I'm_ even going out for Christmas.'

'Then maybe I shouldn't leave Rikku alone…'

'She's got a date too,' said Yuna, grinning.

'You then- if you're not over Tidus, I can stay-!' Lulu began, suddenly apprehensive.

'Lulu!' snapped Yuna, 'I told you- I'm not going to be here- so you can stay here alone or go with Wakka.'

'As a friend,' said Lulu determinedly, 'not like… not like one of those not-friends that Rikku has.' Yuna snickered and Lulu glared at her, 'it's not funny.'

'It is!' Yuna insisted, 'go on, Lulu- it's Christmas.'

Lulu shook her head, 'someday you'll understand-'

'But I do understand! You and Wakka are so very obviously in love that's it's impossible _not_ to understand!'

Lulu twitched and glared and almost set her moogle on Yuna but she knew nothing would help- she had to tell him and she knew it.

Still Lulu shook her head violently –vainly not wanting Yuna to know, just in case he rejected her- denying it as though it were the most egregious thing on Spira.

'We'll see if you're singing the same tune by the end of the night,' said Yuna, grinning, 'oops! They'll be waiting for me! Got to go- you and Wakka play nice, okay?'

'Yeah,' agreed Rikku as she burst into the small room, 'just remember, Lulu- you're not married yet.'

'I hate you, Rikku,' said Lulu bluntly, adjusting the straps on her black dress- yes, she _did_ own more than one, thank you very much for all those comments, _Rikku._

'I know,' was Rikku's cheerful reply, 'but sadly me and Yunie can't stay to watch- we've got a date to make ourselves,' suddenly Rikku squealed, 'and here comes yours! See you, Lulu!'

Lulu made to protest- to beg them to stay- _anything_- but Wakka was already upon her and Yuna and Rikku were out the door, giggling hysterically.

_Damn them._

'Hey, Lu, you ready to go?' asked Wakka and then did a double take as he looked her up and down.

Lulu nodded, oddly at ease despite her earlier misgivings- this was so… so right… she just wondered if he was having the same thoughts.

'Wow, Lu,' he said, eyes wide, 'you look…'

Lulu almost smiled at his awe.

He had always thought her face seemed too soft to bear the frown she usually wore- her face was built for kindness, softly rounded, full lips, bright eyes…

'…beautiful.'

Lulu's eyes danced in the candlelight, which she quickly extinguished to hide it.

'Come on,' he said, taking her hand and leading her out the door.

_Oh, Yevon, please down let me sweat, shed or flake- please down turn my hand green- please don't turn me into a scaly mutant…_

The fervent prayers went on.

'What's wrong, ya?' he asked, feeling her tense.

Lulu shook her head and drawing her hand away and walking a little way ahead.

'Hey,' said Wakka, 'that won't work now- you can't run away.'

'Me? Run away? Ridiculous,' said Lulu flatly, 'there's only one thing in the world I'm scared of and it's something an enemy would never give me.'

'A riddle, huh?'

'No,' said Lulu simply, 'a fact.'

'Can I guess?'

'You won't.'

'Can I try?

'Why bother?'

Wakka chuckled, 'will you answer my questions?'

'It depends what you ask,' said Lulu.

'Come on,' said Wakka, grinning as they entered the mouth of the woods, 'that's not fair. Ten questions.'

'Ten questions,' Lulu agreed.

'Ten questions that you can't refuse,' added Wakka, '-promise me.'

'I promise,' said Lulu, perhaps unwisely.

'Hmm…' Wakka pondered.

'Who _would _give you the thing you fear?'

_I'm not going to answer that- I **can't **answer that._

'Only one person,' said Lulu quietly.

'Hey! That's not an answer, Lu!' Wakka complained.

'I answered your question,' said Lulu blatantly, 'and I didn't lie either- are you going to ask another or not?'

Wakka scratched the back of his neck and sat down at the side of the path, his back against a tree, motioning for Lulu to sit next to him, 'do I know this person?'

'Yes.'

'Hmm,' Wakka thought for a moment, 'your fear- is it painful?'

'It can be.'

Wakka cocked his head to one side as Lulu sat down beside him, 'have you ever given anyone a straight answer in your life?'

'Is that one of your questions or not?'

Wakka shook his head in disbelief, 'there you go again!' he said, laughing, 'you really don't want me to know what it is, do you?'

_I do! I do! I do I do!_

Lulu shrugged, 'you have seven questions left,' was all the reply she gave.

'What letter does it start with?'

'It comes in many forms,' said Lulu simply.

'That's not an answer, Lu- you have to give me a letter.'

'L.'

'L?'

'L.'

'L?'

'I said it, all ready!' Lulu snapped irritably.

'I gotcha,' Wakka chucked, holding his hands up in a gesture of mock-surrender.

Lulu bowed her head.

'Starts with L… can only be given to you by one person- a person that I know- and it can be painful… can I give it to you?'

_How can I possibly answer that???_ Lulu thought in horror- because, of course, the answer was yes.

Lulu nodded and looked down at her hands, folded neatly in her lap. She wouldn't look a him- she knew he was hurt and couldn't bear to see his face.

'Me? The one thing that you fear and it's because of me?'

_Yes! But not in a bad way…. No! Yes! No!_

Lulu made no reply but her brow furrowed slightly.

'Is there any way I can stop it?' asked Wakka.

She wasn't sure if this counted as a question or not but she answered anyway, forcing herself to meet his gaze, 'no.'

Wakka ran through a list of list words in his head but nothing seemed to fit. Part of Lulu hoped he would not guess but another, almost stronger, part prayed that he would.

'How long have I been hurting you?' asked Wakka quietly- he was rightly shocked; Lulu had basically just told him that he was the only person on Spira who could incite fear in her… a fear that pained her… how could he not know?

_Ever since I can remember._

'I don't know,' said Lulu, her face forming a small frown, 'you tell me.'

'But I don't know what it is I'm doing!' Wakka exclaimed helplessly, 'won't you tell me, ya? I wanna help you.'

Lulu shrugged, 'three more questions.'

Wakka's mouth twitched in a small smile, 'all right- what kind'a pain? Like on the inside or out?'

'Sometimes it feels like both,' said Lulu quietly, 'and please don't ask me to explain it.'

'Explain it,' was Wakka's next request.

'That's not a question,' Lulu readily replied, then she sighed- knowing it didn't matter, 'I don't know why I agreed to this-' she began but Wakka nodded at her pointedly with an eyebrow raised in amusement, causing her to waiver, 'oh, all _right_! But you're not going to like it,' she warned.

'I didn't think so,' he said, shrugging.

'It feels… like my heart is constantly under attack,' said Lulu, not looking at him, 'like I'm being repeatedly stabbed in the chest by a ruthless fiend but the claws don't come out dirty… it hurts but it's clean- good. And it makes …so scared… to think that I could possibly lose…- no, I've said enough and I've said it plainly,' her voice was hard again, all signs of vulnerability gone as she turned her gaze on him, 'ask your final question.'

Wakka was grinning and if she weren't so entranced by his evident joy she might have questioned it herself. His face was so bright- he _knew_ that feeling.

'Lu,' he said, eyes shimmering with mirth as he stood, pulling her up before him with the mother of all bright-eyed smiles… 'Do you love me?'

Lulu blinked up at him.

_Yes! Yes! Yes!_

She stared into his vivid brown eyes and at once found a smile for him, 'I do,' she said, 'so, so much.'

'And is that all you're afraid of?'

Lulu nodded silently, 'and you've got to believe it… I've treated people harshly- intentionally too- and I'm definitely not the best kind of person. But you're the only person I can speak this openly too- the only one I can be sure of listening to me no matter what bad things I've done. _Hmph._ I don't like it- I hate it and, yes, I'm afraid of it- I've always been afraid of it- but I love you, Wakka.'

_Damnit!_ _I will not cry!_

Wakka put his arms around her, slowly as though still unsure, and his lips grazed her cheek lightly. She stared at him unblinkingly.

'Are you still scared?' he asked softly.

'Yes,' said Lulu, proud to be able to say that her eyes were still dry, 'but I can handle that,' her eyes pored into his and she nodded slightly, 'it's Christmas after all- I can deal with anything on Christmas.'

Wakka's lips drifted to her mouth, still slowly, as if fearing her reaction.

'You're scared too,' she said with an uncharacteristic burble of laughter.

Wakka denied it forcefully and kissed her again, this time more strongly, his right hand coming up to cup her face, the other set firmly at her waist.

Lulu almost stepped back in surprise but she responded with a childlike display of zeal that she might later come to be embarrassed about when she learnt that two teenage spies hung about in the woods around them. _If_ she found out, that is, for Rikku and Yuna definitely weren't in a hurry to die.

They two girls exchanged excited glances and had to stifle a fit of girlish giggles as they watched their friends.

'Think someone ought to remind them that they're not married yet?' asked Rikku cheekily.

'Don't you dare!' Yuna replied softly, 'they'll kill you.'

'Yes,' said Rikku, 'but if the baby is born before the wedding it might look rather bad.'

Yuna desperately tried to keep from laughing, 'all right but give me a head-start- I don't want to be out of breath when they get back to the village to _hunt you down.'_

'See ya, Yunie!'

'Bye, Rikku.'

Rikku watched Lulu's reaction eagerly as Wakka's hands moved to her breasts and saw the black mage noticeably jump, taking a step back, shaking her head a little. Rikku raised an eyebrow and strained her ears to hear, wishing that Yuna hadn't left.

Lulu bowed her head.

_No…_

Wakka's arms came around her again and he whispered something to her that Rikku couldn't quite hear- though she was interested enough to risk coming closer with the thought, _whoa, bet he's the first guy to try and touch her that's still got his head…_

'Lu, I'm so sorry,' he was saying softly, 'I wasn't thinking…'

'I don't think either of us were thinking,' she replied with a shrug, not meeting his eyes, '_that _is what scares me.'

Wakka tightened his arms around her, _damn,_ he thought, _what in Seven Hells was I thinking?_ _I can't… not after…_

Lulu rested her head on his chest, his heart was thudding- like hers- and her only wish was that no one else ever had to see her like this.

No one –including Rikku. Though even if she could possibly know what Lulu was thinking it was very unlikely that she'd actually leave.

Lulu smiled up at Wakka- _no hard feelings_ said her eyes truthfully- _and thank you. Thank you so much._

'Merry Christmas, Wakka.'

Wakka looked like he was about to say something- to continue his feverish apologies- but something stopped him and he smiled too, 'ya,' he said, 'Merry Christmas.'

Lulu gave him a last chaste kiss before turning back the way they'd come, 'come on,' she said, all signs of discomfort gone, 'it's getting late.'

Wakka nodded and walked by her side in companionable silence.

Lulu had just learnt the single most frustrating and most important rule of Love- it is impossible –_impossible, impossible, impossible_- to stay mad at the person you love, though it is easy enough to get mad at them in the first place. Lulu also learnt something else that day- fear can have many different forms –none of which are all that appealing- but fear is fear and fear can be overcome.

Just ask Vidina.


End file.
